Mexico

'This is your moll reporter coming to you live from the international Zicatela pro 09, in Puerto Escondito, Mexico'.
That's what I was planning to write a few days ago, when the competition was actually on. But things kept happening (mojitos) and one thing lead to another (cuba libres) and this report ended up being a little late. Anywho, here it is in all it's glory, the report with all the details only a moll can notice.

The day before the comp began we were told by an ex-pat Aussie that the surf conditions were the worst he had seen in his 4 1/2 years of living in Puerto. There was some talk of delaying the competition by a day or so, to ensure big waves to do tricks on (not a direct quote). Instantly all the surfers freaked out and spent the rest of the day staring out to sea, praying for a swell to appear.

I (of course) was determined to take the monitoring of this crisis one step further. To ensure that I had the most accurate and up to date reading of exactly what was going on in the ocean, I dedicated hours of my own personal time to go out into the front line, and float in the ocean. Only from this key position was I able to fully ascertain that there were in fact still waves.

DAY ONE - 6th Nov

There was a meeting at 6am on the beach and as a reporter keen for details I made sure I was momentarily conscious when mr bodyboard left, and that I vaguely listened to him blather on when he returned at 7. It was quite a complex and in-depth report so I have simplified it as best I can for the average reader. 1) the competition was still on 2) His heat was at 8. Exhausted after processing so much information I let my (still razor sharp) mind rest for half an hour before walking down to the beach to begin my day of molling.

The waves were still crap and mr Bodyboard couldn't get a break and struggled to get even a few waves, unfortunately he was eliminated in that heat. I did my job and consoled him (patted his back) to seemingly little effect. Then, one of his friends (who is generally known to be good at wave tricks) was also eliminated in his first heat. This seemed to cheer up mr Bodyboard way more than any of my back pats (molls - take not for future ego crisis, find them a buddy to share the pain, and then walk away slowly....)

The official opening ceremony was held at 10am and despite all the speeches being in Spanish I payed careful attention and managed to glean these key details -
1) This was a surfing competition
2) It's hard to concentrate on Spanish speeches while floating in the ocean
3) I wanted a margarita

Mr Bodyboard had been invited to dj that night at the 'Sol' (beer sponsor) stage, which was surrounded by bars (which strangely only sold one brand of beer). I brought along 3 friends to introduce to 'dj molling' (my part time occupation). Much like surfer molling you sit around waiting for your partner to do their thing. The best part is that this includes drinking (often for free) and talking to your friends. My novices took to the challenge with dedication which brought a tear to my eye. They even stepped up to the plate and drank Micheladas which (to me) is the devils own concoction of beer, hot sauce, salt and lime. Ugh. Sadly the music line-up got jumbled and mr bodyboard didn't actually get to dj that night, but half a case of beer and the promise of a set tomorrow seemed to cheer him up better than my vague efforts (dj molls take note).

DAY TWO - 7th Nov

Mr bodyboard was up and gone before 7am. The night before my moll team and I had discussed the situation and come up with a daring new angle re reporting on surf comps. Everyone gets so caught up in what's happening at the event that they miss what's happening elsewhere! And let me tell you, there are some highly important things to discover. Firstly, there is a beautiful little beach called 'Carazillio' just a 15 minute drive from Zicatella. We monitored this location for hours and came to the conclusion that it would be very difficult to hold the competition here as there are no waves, but that the guacamole and excellent pina coladas more than made up for this.

Exhausted from our days research we returned home, only to begin another rigorous set of dj molling.

Mr Bodyboard got to play some great tracks, AC/DC being the surprise hit with the mainly Mexican crowd. The only down point of the evening was the occasional performances by the Sol girls. These very beautiful bikini wearing girls were all masters of the 'incredibly bored and disdainful of you and your friends' expression. Every couple of hours their manager would prod them on stage, to promote Sol. They did this by occasionally gyrating to reggaeton songs while maintaining a pained expression. Drunken guys would rush up to the stage with their cameras, but eventually even they returned to their seats after experiencing a Sol girl's glare.

DAY THREE - 8th Nov

I turned up at 8 for the bodyboard finals, luckily in time to cheer on mr Movember, who was staying at our hotel. After going for a swim to prevent heat exhaustion ( molling can be a hot occupation, in more ways than one, nudge nudge wink wink ) we saw a large crowd gathering around the small stage next to the judges boothes so we headed over thinking it was the award presentations.

It was actually the bikini competition (I am so proud to announce that no molls were involved) and the Sol girls kicked things off. As they walked up the catwalk their expressions left us in no doubt that this was part of their contract, or else they would probably prefer to shove pencils into their eyes. The only other contestants were a Brazillian with an ass made out of jelly, a Brittish stripper with inherited Turkish tanned skin, and some weird girl who danced with her sarong. After a few professional moves the stripper won (and also introduced a new generation of boys to puberty).

As the crowd began to disperse the officials began announcing the winners from the finals. I only really remember the bodyboard ceremony as mr Movember came second. In first place was a 16 year old local who looked like he was about 10. With winning the kid also received a glimpse into adulthood as mr Movemeber poured a beer over his head and the Sol girl's nestled in for a photo.

That night the feeling at the Sol tent was definitely of fatigue. Surfers and molls had both been on duty for 3 days straight, and it was time for us all to go to bed and wake up feeling refreshed and ready for more heavy duty days of sun, beach and cocktails.

I assure you of my absolute dedication to them all!

x the moll