Arugam Bay part 2

Dear Moll diary,

I was surrounded by Israelis. All eyes were glued to our computer screen, viewing and reviewing and checking again the pictures I had (grudgingly) taken of them surfing that afternoon.

I was bored.

Surfers are obsessed with images of themselves surfing. Once they have access to some they will view and review with several different audiences producing several different discussions, all really saying the same thing (that was an awesome wave trick!! You are awesome, surfing friend!!)

I was really bored.

So I reached over and began to flip through the only reading material available in Arugam Bay (Sri Lanka). A surfing magazine. I don't remember what it was called, something like 'Yeah surfing, it's the best', just an average surfing mag. But something unexpected was nestled towards the back, a moll of the month page. Of course again this was not its exact title (it was something like 'awesome babes of tubular dudes') but my Israeli friend assured me that was a genuine monthly feature read by surfers all around the world.

This worried me.

It can be tough enough being a moll without magazines promoting unachievable fantasies to surfers globally!

Firstly there was her photo. She was kneeling on a couch, tanned and glossy-haired, wearing a basketball shirt which barely covered her crutch. What kind of message is this sending out to surfers? Yes all molls are incredible sex kittens, but we're more than that damn it! Why not show a photo of a moll in action? We don't work from the couch!
They could have used a shot of me at 5am that morning, freezing and bleary eyed in the back of a tuk tuk showing my passport again (3rd security check) to an irritable soldier with a big gun, all to get to a secluded surf point. Photogenic? Sadly not. True moll in action? Absolutely

This leads me to my next bone of contention ( there are many, this is a rant after all). Why was she worthy of the title of moll of the month? Surely it should be rewarded to a moll not on the merit of their surfer, but rather on their molling efforts?
I feel that the girl we found at the beach that morning deserved a feature. There she was, snatching some sleep beside a smoldering fire (obviously she had an earlier start than I did). She was fully clothed (as pre-dawn tends to be freezing), but now the blazing sun was beginning to burn her face. I saw her surfer glance over to her as some curious soldiers gathered in a circle around her (probably talking about how great molls are, it's a common topic of conversation amongst the Sri Lankan military I'm told). The surfer hesitated for one moment ('hmmm, maybe I should.....') and then looked back to the waves, and jumped on his board to paddle out again. This moll, as you can see, deserved at least a one page feature!


Then there was the interview.
She loves being a moll, it's the bestest most easist fun in the world (I can hear you bikini clad babes sigh already). One answer to a not-very-subtle question revealed that she gives her surfer 'bedroom favours' every time he tries a trick. Good god woman!! He's a professional surfer, you must do nothing else!! If the average surfer surfs for two hours a day and tries at least 20 tricks in this time, that is a lot of 'special' favors! We molls would never get anything done (and for a matter of fact neither would the surfers). Then we couldn't go to work or eat, and you have something much worse than the global financial crisis on your hands people.

Her ultimate betrayal was her last comment. 'I love taking photos'. Right there, she has broken the moll code of honour. We may exaggerate how much we absolutely hate/detest/despise/can't freaking stand taking photos (just a little). But we never never never reveal this to surfers!! Every time I agree to shoot some happy snaps I negotiate a reward, say a big jar of delicious Nutella. A bribe some may call it. Now if Mr Bodyboard was to read this slander, the cogs would start turning, 'hey, if my moll's enjoying this then why to I have to buy her this incredibly yummy gooey and fantastic treat?'. Again resulting in a world wide crisis as molls everywhere go on strike, all thanks to Miss Basketboob.

I prefer my surfers like the Israelis who were now (after my hour long mental rant) finished looking at their photos. One turned to me with a look of awe 'To take photos of us surfing, you are amazing, you are the only girl in the world to do this for us. thank you, thank you, thank you'.
Thant's more like it. Now pass me that sweet sweet Nutella.

P.S - As for Miss Sexytimes, I revoke her bikini licence and encourage all molls to wave their sand filled towels in her general direction. We are not amused.

P.P.S - I bet they don't do a male moll feature. Sexist.

Sri Lanka - Arugam Bay

Dear Moll diary,

As mr Bodyboard and I sat at the aptly named 'Riptide' restaurant ( Non molls - Riptide is a magazine, Cosmo for body boarders) which is on the main street of Arugam Bay (note - I use the term 'main street' loosely, it's a red, dusty, dirt road with less than 20 shops and the occasional goat) I had an epiphany. Molls are the ideal journalists for the surfing world. We travel to distant & inaccessible locations to observe and discuss the surfing culture (and maybe get a little reading/sunbaking in, it can't be all work!! We are not machines damn it!!) and as non-participators we are objective observers, able to distance ourselves and report back without bias.

I don't know why the surfing press hasn't realized all of this.

Best of all, we have the unique ability to translate 'surf talk' and information into terms that everyone can understand. We are the missing link (Mr Bodyboard notes that he feels that this is what my blog is already doing, I'd like to think so)
For example, a report might read -
Arugam Bay does have some fantastic long riding waves, but the beginner crowds and constant dropping in make it frustrating.
Non surfer translation -
Arugam bay is like your favourite designer store with a constant 50% sale, only there's always 5 people grabbing the dress you want just as you touch it. And you know that you would look way hotter in it!

Moll journalists are always in the heat of cross cultural debate. Currently there is an uprising against the Israelis who are the main culprits of dropping in (dress grabbing). I hear of the rising tensions, confrontations, and attempted peace talks, all told to me minutes after they have occurred on the front line (in the surf/at the cash register).

Are you after financial news? Who better to fill you in on prices than a moll who has been dragged from cabana to cabana to work out the best price to surf location ratio? I can look a tuk tuk driver in the eye and tell him how much it will cost to the various surf points and reference his past brothers/cousins tenders for each rout.

For those looking to the dating section this reporter has the scoop that if you are a Sri Lankan surfer, fair haired European damsels will pretty much lie down in front of you, wanting nothing more than to lie on your board in the flat surf gazing adoringly at you while you gaze adoringly at their scantily clad bums. If you are any other ethnic brand of single male, I'm sorry but it's going to be a lonely trip.

For the foodies, this moll reporter can give reviews for all the restaurants in town (yes, all ten of them) and tell you who is best value for money. For example - Riptide have the best prices and rottis, but after a long surf (or an exhausting bout of moll duty) their 'vegetable macaroni' (ingredients - spiral pasta, grated carrot, cabbage and tomato sauce) is not going to satisfy your needs.

Speaking of needs, I think that all surf media need to have a special 'moll page' or maybe we could call it 'moll murmurs'.This weeks would read - When your partner convinces you to try surfing, first make sure that he is fairly confident with his tool (snicker - you see what I did there was I meant his board but.....) or else you could end up like our friend Bandage Mc Ouch Ouch. She was last seen sitting at Riptide looking unhappy after a loving 'surfboard to forehead' moment.

My final point in my push for better moll representation in the media is that we are hot. Who else reports in a bikini? Case closed I say.

P.S - After running this piece past my editor (mr Bodyboard), it was pointed out that there are already molls who travel and take photos/report. I met one in Japan, and I salute her and the others for being pioneers for all mollkind.