Dear moll diary,

Please note: I didn't embark on this journey of blogging (yes yes I know it sounds gross like pooing and makes your skin prickle because you're participating) with the title 'Diary of a SURFER'S moll'. As a grade three moll (wait and see what it is...... ) I've earned the loss of this apostrophe of ownership.

My boyfriend (Mr bodyboard) claims I'm not a moll at all.

I take his hand and pat it to my chest.
'Feel this heart? It beats for the Inner West. I start to hyperventilate when I can't reach the Courthouse within half an hour. But I moved to the Eastern Suburbs to live with you, and that stamps moll on my forehead'

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blind to the bonuses of the lazy sun-drenched beach-side life! But as the daughter of a social worker/gay activist/psychologist/librarian, the moll thing has never sat well with me. Maybe this is why I have developed the grading system, something to help me try and explain it all to my confused Newtownite gal pals

Here tis-

GRADE FIVE
This is the bottom of the moll pyramid. The sit on the beach (tits out preferred) staring through shades at 'her man'. For a more conservative M5 (moll five) option, sit fully clothed in the shade peering through the lens of the latest digital SLR capturing your heroes finest moments for all time.

GRADE FOUR
Yes you present a facade of other interests, the evidence is all there in the trashy mag, the constant calls to friends, even sudoku for the truly desperate. But the abstinence from going in the water and the constant sly glances to the ocean give away that you are truly a M4.

GRADE THREE
Yeps this is me.
Here I am, swimming by myself, sometimes at a different beach or even (gasp) the pool. Here I am, being coaxed shakily onto the board while Mr Bodyboard pushes me on the waves. And finally here I am kind of seeing why he's so obsessed, but not wholly and soulfully converted to the cause.


GRADE TWO
You actually know how to surf. You can swim out, catch waves, yada yada bla bla. No you're not really obsessed with it all if you are perfectly honest, but you enjoy it enough, and it lets you be closer to him.....

GRADE ONE
Boyfriend? Yeah you left him still sleeping as you snuck out and caught his wave of the day.

My friend (we'll call her 'fleeced boot' for reasons known only to her) suggested another grade of moll, where you cut your boyfriend's name out of a piece of paper & then suntan it onto your stomach as you watch him. The elusive M7........